When children can talk, they can tell you when they are hungry. But when they are born, how do you know when to feed your baby? Your newborn baby seems to ask for food anywhere from 2 to 30 times a day, depending on your cue for "asking for food.” Your doctor tells you to feed them every 3 hours. Your doula tells you to feed them "on-demand.” Your neighbor's baby asks for food five times a day. So, which one is right?
The TL; DR (too long, didn't read) of this page is: babies need to eat 8 to 12 times a day and gain weight. If this is enough for you to know, great. You're done with this post :). If you want to understand a little more, keep reading.
As humans evolved... just kidding. We are not going THAT back in time. But to understand how often we should feed a newborn, we need to talk about feeding on-demand (I promise I'll tie that back to the "8 to 12 times a day" thing).
WHAT IS FEEDING "ON DEMAND,” ANYWAY?
There is a lot of talk about on demand feeding, and that's great. That is my recommendation! Some parents, however, get confused about this. And some professionals as well.
Let's pause for a second and think about us, adults. We eat on-demand. Boom! Did I just blow your mind? We eat when we want to eat. (In most cases) We do not force-feed ourselves, nor deprive ourselves of food. Most of us eat 3 to 6 times a day. Some days, we snack more often, some days we don't have time (or desire?) to eat, and we eat twice a day. Notice that there's some variability. We vary from eating just enough to take the edge off to feeling "a little full" after a meal or "I-ate-so-much-I-can't-move" (Hey, Thanksgiving dinner. We've all been there).
WHAT CAUSES THIS VARIABILITY IN ADULTS?
Sometimes we are sad or bored or stressed out and get an extra snack or skip a meal. Sometimes we are thirsty and eat instead of drinking water, or we are hungry and drink instead of eating. Some meals are lighter, and we get hungry faster. Some days we workout and are hungrier. Or we have dinner with friends and eat a little (or a lot!) more than we need.
The bottom line is that external (environment, like going to a restaurant) and internal (like feeling sad) factors that influence how big or small, how frequent, or space out our meals are. In general, we can notice those things because we often eat around the same number of meals per day (you will know if you only ate twice today) and around the same caloric intake.
HOW ABOUT THE BABY?
Demand nursing means feeding the baby when they ask. It is not force-feeding nor depriving your baby of food. It is not setting the alarm and feeding on the clock. It is not waiting until your baby cry to feed them. It is also not feeding your baby every. single. time. they. cry.
It means connecting to your baby, getting to know them, and understanding when they need to eat, to be comforted, to be given love and affection NOT milk-related, and when they need to be nursed for comfort, not for the calories. It is understanding that sour baby will sometimes have a bigger feed and will go longer in between feedings. Other times they will be thirsty and nurse more often. Or they might be bored. Scared. Happy. And nurse more or less frequently. As a parent, you will slowly understand when this happens and learn what YOUR baby’s feeding cues are, and signals for other things bothering them.
Sheesh. This got abstract fast. So what do you do until your family develops this magical connection?
I-AM-LOST-PLEASE-GIVE-ME-A-STRAIGHT-ANSWER KINDA PERSON? I GOT YOU.
Aim to feed your baby every 2 to 3 hours, adding up to 8 to 12 times in 24h (including the middle of the night!). Observe your cute little pie's behavior before and after meals. Observe your baby's weight gain. If they deviate too much from the 8-12 or if your baby is not gaining enough weight, it is probably a good time to seek professional support to help you understand your baby's needs.
Do you have questions or comments about this post? Comment below or send me an e-mail!