*Throughout this and all posts, I use the term "parent" instead of father/mother and use they/them/their when talking about the baby.
I talk about feeding on-demand a lot here. If you haven't read my previous posts about this, please, take a few minutes to read them first (How often should I feed my baby? and Understanding feeding on-demand). They will give you the necessary framework to understand the nuances of the "demand feeding" recommendations, and that might be enough for you. However, if you are like me and learn better from practical examples, come back to this post!
PS: If you want to learn more about hunger cues, read next week's post!
Demand feeding 101
Rule #1: Learn your baby's cues.
Rule #2: Ignore the clock.
Rule #3: Feed the baby when the baby is hungry.
Rule number 1 is the one you need to learn. The other two rules are more straightforward (when in doubt, feed the baby). But learning your baby's cues for everything will help you understand your baby better and faster, and will help you with the inevitable helplessness feeling all parents have. Slowly you will learn the signs your baby gives you when they are hungry, tired, in pain, uncomfortable, cuddly, etc. For now, we will learn about feeding on-demand. Start from the beginning and take one full day to study your baby.
Step 1: Feed your baby and observe.
Let's count the first feed of the day at 6 AM. At 7 AM, your baby is awake, moving their cute little arms and legs, and you think they are hungry. You feed them and, although they don't seem very interested in nursing, they accept. Midway through the feed, your baby poops. Next time you see the arms and legs dance, you might ask yourself if the baby needs help moving gasses/poop before nursing.
Feedings so far: 2
Step 2: Know when to expect your baby will be hungry.
That's about every 2 to 3 hours, from beginning to beginning of a feed. Your baby nursed at 6 AM and 7 AM. At 9 AM, the baby is still half-asleep, but moving their head side to side. The baby looks sleepy but slightly uncomfortable... and it's been 2h since the last feed. It's an excellent time to feed them again.
It takes you and the baby some time to get organized, and at 9:30 AM, you begin feeding your baby, and they accept the breast. Not desperately, but with enough time for you to find a comfortable nursing/feeding position. The baby seems calm during the feed. Maybe the half-sleep side to side head movement is your baby's hunger cue.
Feedings so far: 3
Step 3: Do not skip feeds.
At 11:30 AM, your baby is sound asleep. At 12:30 PM, your baby is still sleeping, but you wake the baby up, and they nurse.
Feedings so far: 4
Step 4: Do not force-feed.
At 1:30 PM, your baby wakes up crying. It's been only 1h since they ate, they seem hungry, but it could be something else. Maybe it is too hot/cold/dry/loud? Perhaps they need to pass some gas? You hold your baby close to you, slowly moving up and down, trying to calm your baby up. In 7min, they fall asleep.
Feedings so far: 4
Step 5: Be flexible.
At 2:00 PM, the baby wakes up crying again. It's been only 1:30h since the previous feed, but you tried putting them back to sleep and it didn't last. Feed the baby.
At 4:30 PM, you feed your baby.
Feedings so far: 6
Step 6: Be aware of cluster feed.
At 5:30 PM, your baby wakes up, you try playing, changing, calming, but the baby is crying. You feed the baby, but they nurse for 5min only. At 6 PM, the baby wants to eat again. And again at 6:30 PM. And 7 PM. And 7:30 PM. And 8 PM.
Cluster feedings usually happen in the late afternoon/early evening. Which feed do you count now? Count the cluster as one feed, with beginning time at the middle-time (divide the number of hours of the cluster feeding sessions by 2). In the case above, 6:45 PM.
Feed the baby between 8:45 and 9:45 PM (when they seem hungry or at 9:45 PM, if no signs). Let's say you feed your baby at 9:30 PM.
Feedings so far: 8
Step 7: Do not skip the night feed.
At 12:30 AM, your baby is awake. They feed for 5min.
At 3 AM, baby cries and feeds.
Baby wakes up at 6 AM, ready to nurse (this is already the second day, so I won't count this feed).
Total number of feeds: 10
Conclusion
Feed your baby and observe your baby's behavior. Does baby seem a little uncomfortable? Distressed? Hungry? Try feeding the baby again and see. Did they accept the food well? Hungrily? Or did you need to convince them to eat? Repeat this every 2-2:30h during the day, 2:30-3h at night. You eventually understand how YOUR baby tells you they are hungry or just uncomfortable.
If your baby is feeding less than 8 times or more than 12 times per day, keep an eye on their weight, observe your supply, and talk to an IBCLC.
Do you have questions or comments about this post? Comment below or send me an e-mail!